Personas

The three personas of the memoirist:

The author is the person giving the lectures, doing the interviews, and presenting his work to the public.

The narrator is the person in the book, telling the story. He lives forever between the covers. He is the person most loved and known–by the readers.

The writer is the private person, rarely known even to his friends and family. He agonizes over sentences, makes ridiculous sacrifices for his craft, and is often his own worse critic.

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Advice Request

Got a request for advice from an aspiring writer. Looking back to my humble beginnings, I can’t recall ever thinking that someday, someone would ask me for advice about writing.

Here are some points I’ve pondered about for a long time.

1.  Write for yourself, edit for your audience.

2.  Write as though it’s your last page and today is your last day. The mind becomes very clear at this edge where one’s fears and inhibitions fall away.

3. Enjoy the “aspiring” part of being a writer. Once you published, it feels like work.

4. It’s all about the journey. The most bittersweet moment for every voyager is when the end is sight.

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Regarding Courage…

Sometimes, we don’t know if “courage” is even the issue as it’s often mixed up with honor, shame, a skewered sense of right & wrong, and/or a misplaced sense of loyalty.

It took me a decade to write these few sentences which I very recently added to A Theory of Flight:

“Then life interceded: Stephanie and I broke up—the girl I thought was my soulmate, the girl I wanted to marry. She had slept with a whole slew of guys, two of them our mutual friends. I tried forgiveness, I tried forgetfulness. I tried to be the better man, but my heart had turned black. Nothing seemed important anymore.”

I had written around our dissolution, gave her aliases, protected the memories of the good parts, turned away from my shame. We had both long moved on with our lives. My misplaced sense of loyalty remained even when the last of my feelings about her and that period had faded to nothingness. I wanted to bury it. I wanted it obliterated by time. She was a manic-depressive with a history of abuse. There were many components to her behaviors.

But the words, these words that matter to no one else–not even her–matter to me.

We are who we are and what we have done. Just lay it on the table, plain and simple, without malice. There is no need for accounting. No need for explanation. No need to carry the weight of unspoken words. This is life.

I guess A Theory of Flight is close to being done at last.

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Courage

to face and speak the truth at all cost.

This is the first requirement of memoir, the hardest and the most important.

Without this, a memoir is merely self-marketing fluff. Fulfilling the requirement might cost the author more than he is prepared to lose.

If he is fortunate, he might live long enough to know that honesty is worth the cost. One man can not be held responsible for the whole universe, but he can be held responsible for his cowardice.

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“Last Christmas” Song

If you could send a message back in time, what would you say to your younger self?

Senior year. A girl named Autumn. I held her hand twice. We never kissed, but I would have dug a hole to China for her.

 

 

It’s all hazy now. But the song opens a portal …

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Kickstarter Goal!

Dear Backers,

WE DID IT!

A HUGE “THANK YOU!!!” to all my backers. You’ve made this project possible.

The stars have, indeed, aligned, and the project is a “GO!”

I believe I have personally emailed each and every one you and thank you for your support. If I have missed you somehow, please forgive me. It was not intentional. It is my firm belief that if a person doesn’t know how to say “thank you”, he shouldn’t ask for help.

I promise that someday I will tell the story of how I went from a jungle hermit to a social media fiend and a Kickstarter Projecteer in 60 days. But, for now, I will say that it was done under great duress and against nearly insurmountable odds.

I could not have done it without the generous help of family and friends, specifically my brothers Curt and Tim, my mother, my aunts Hang and Dung, my uncle Hung Le, my friends Daniel, Thanh Tran, and Idoia Mezo. And, not to forget, the goodwill of strangers. And all of your support.

Please know that you all have an important part in bringing this project into the world.

The self-publication of this book is my statement that as artists, however impoverished or beleaguered, we are still masters of our artistic destiny, and that now, in this new age, more than ever, we have the opportunity and the power of self-determination.

I hereby publicly acknowledge my debt and gratitude to all of you for your support and good cheer.

In the generous spirit that all of you have shown me, I would like to announce that I will be donating $1,000 to Dragonfly, “a non-profit, non-political, and non-confessional association” that focuses on “educating and encouraging orphans, with the aim to give these young people a safe and independent future” through a restaurant project called HAVEN.*

The donation will be made on the behalf of all of you, the backers of A Culinary Odyssey!

I have good people on my team and we will work harder to produce the book with a smaller budget. Hopefully, the donation will give the good people and orphans of Dragonfly a fresh start in the New Year and bring more attention to their worthy efforts.

Again, thank you all!

Here’s to a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone!

Cheers,

Andrew X. Pham

*My friend, consulting chef & backer of this project, Thanh Tran has recently brought Dragonfly to my attention. I am in the process of fact checking their project (donation pending result). If things go smoothly, donation will be made as soon as CO is funded by Amazon, which should be around Jan. 7-10th of 2012.

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An Interview on Diacritics

with Genevieve Erin O’Brien

This interview was done over email. Thanks to Viet Nguyen & Isabelle Pelaud for setting this up just to help promote my project.

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Panoramic Header Pictures

Some readers wrote in asking about the scenic photos in the header of my website. These are all taken by me with a $75 camera and trimmed to size (ie. not panoramic).

They all have the same theme: the view from my writing desk.

I’ve tried to write in as many inspiring places as possible. One of the few perks of being a writer.

 

 

 

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ROI

Returns on Investment

I learned about this in Economics 101, but I never really thought about it or applied it to my life.

As the years passed, I came to understand the value of time and the fickleness of fortune. I saw that those who contribute most to the world knew how to invest their time and energy in good people, while other, however, selfless and giving, were sapped and diminished by the “takers” who gave nothing back to the world.

This takes me back to “Gifts”, an essay I wrote for The American Scholar (Vol.71, Summer 2002). It was about a $100 gift from a man named Russell O., who helped me in my direst hour. He refused to give me his address so I could repay him. He only said, “Pay it forward.”

He had made a smart investment, one that had an ROI much higher than top performing stocks on Wall Street. It has been a payment that I have kept on paying, year on year, with many more to come. And I too have asked my–our–beneficiaries to “pay it forward.”

I only hope I have chosen the right people so that the world would have a decent ROI for those transactions.

But …

Time is much more valuable than money. It’s limited, and we can’t check our wallet to see how much remains.

So I’ve learned to invest in people more wisely.

Andrew X. Pham

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Season’s Greetings

Happy Holidays!

I’ve put together a little e-card for the holiday season.

Please click on the link below to download the recipes for the meal in the photo. This was what a poor handicapped farmer fed me 17 years ago in his thatched hut, days before Christmas. I’d like to commemorate that fine evening by sharing these recipes.

http://www.filedropper.com/seasongreetings

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Biking Vietnam

I haven’t been back to Vietnam since 1999. Around 2002, a close relative in Vietnam informed me that I was on a blacklist and should not return in the near future (hence, I wound up in other parts of Southeast Asia for the past 10yrs.). Judging from the recent horrible experience of two blacklisted Vietnamese-American Catholic priests who tried to return to Vietnam (with visas granted), I think I will wait a few more years.

About three years ago, an American friend of mine who has been teaching at the universities in Vietnam told me that he tried to introduce Catfish and Mandala to his English class. When he held my book up in front of his class and began to discuss it, over half of his students stood up and left. When he asked them why, they replied that they hated this book and the writer who made the whole country looked bad. He asked them if they had read it. Not one student had ever read a single sentence from my book.

Although Vietnam maintains its harsh stance against dissidents, human rights activists, and political writers, the country as a whole has changed significantly. More and more Viet-kieus are returning to their homeland for holidays and family visits. The country has experienced a tourist boom since the rise of the Thai baht. And every year, I wondered if this would be the year I too return to Vietnam. I’d love to see my pirated books sold in all the bookshops alongside all the pirated books of truly famous authors :)

(pic courtesy of my friend the irresistible & irrepressible & amazing Kristina Wong, who snapped this picture last year on her tour of Vietnam)

 

 

 

My friend Claus Andersen is a tour guide and tour bicyclist who has ridden all over Vietnam and Southeast Asia. He keeps me informed of developments in Vietnam. Here is a recent note from Claus (posted with his permission).

Hi Andrew,

I wrote to you a couple of times about Vietnam and long distance cycling and having just returned from my 4th trip of the year (3 of them work trips) to Vietnam i thought i would just update you a little as i have noticed some fairly remarkable changes recently.

First of all the goverment have seemed to be a lot less strict onthe internet.
Faceook which they used to try and block all the time has been accessible from almost every wifi spot i have tried in Vietnam.
Only twice did it not connect on my last visit and when it connected it was as fast as in the west.
Just 6 months ago it was always so slow that no one in the nation seemed to bother even if they bought a proxy so they could access it.

And i saw anti goverment protests in Hanoi with angry farmers protesting that they get too little compensation from the goverment when they seize their land and sell it to foreign investors.
the protests were fairly big and very loud and while police was there they did not try and stop them.
I researched a bit among vietnamese friends who are not happy with the goverment and apparently they put some of the protesters in to busses and drove them outside the city and dropped them on the road, but that was all.

I think this is a fairly big change in attitude from the local goverment compared to the past.
I have been doing some cycling around Vietnam too and i would say this is getting better too.
First of all the vietnamese are getting used to seeing foreigners on bicycles so i am not constantly being followed by 20 people on bicycles and scooters.
They are also constructing a new highway 1 but letting the old highway 1 running next to it and where the construction of the new highway has taken place you suddenly have a fairly good cycling road.
They have also reduced the maximum speed for busses and trucks which makes driving on the roads quite a bit safer aswell and as a result the number of deaths on Vietnamse roads have dropped quite a bit the last two years.

I will be back doing another cycling tour in december where i plan to cross in to Cambodia too and possible Thailand if time allows it.
I am in Manile right now and will be cycling south in 2-3 days time when i have bought a bicycle and sorted out a few things.

Hope you are doing well wherever you are roaming around these days.’
All the best from Manila.

Claus Andersen

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Connections

For the last three weeks, I’ve spent on average 4 hrs./day replying to emails. Since my book launch on Kickstarter, friends and family have come forward to support me. Acquaintances, many I’ve only met through emails, have reconnected with me. I re-read our old correspondences and am humbled that they’ve remembered me across the years even though we had met only briefly in person or in cyberspace.

Writers spend crazy amounts of time alone, laboring mostly in deprivation, and at times on the edge of madness. Even when we don’t know how to say thank you to our fans, we are deeply grateful.

This Thanksgiving 2011, I’m thankful for all the friendships I’ve made, all the lives that I’ve touched through my books and all those who have taken the time to tell me.

 

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Reviews of Last Night I Dreamed of Peace

From Random House’s  Book Page …

At the age of twenty-four, Dang Thuy Tram volunteered to serve as a doctor in a National Liberation Front (Viet Cong) battlefield hospital in the Quang Ngai Province. Two years later she was killed by American forces not far from where she worked. Written between 1968 and 1970, her diary speaks poignantly of her devotion to family and friends, the horrors of war, her yearning for her high school sweetheart, and her struggle to prove her loyalty to her country. At times raw, at times lyrical and youthfully sentimental, her voice transcends cultures to speak of her dignity and compassion and of her challenges in the face of the war’s ceaseless fury.

The American officer who discovered the diary soon after Dr. Tram’s death was under standing orders to destroy all documents without military value. As he was about to toss it into the flames, his Vietnamese translator said to him, “Don’t burn this one. . . . It has fire in it already.” Against regulations, the officer preserved the diary and kept it for thirty-five years. In the spring of 2005, a copy made its way to Dr. Tram’s elderly mother in Hanoi. The diary was soon published in Vietnam, causing a national sensation. Never before had there been such a vivid and personal account of the long ordeal that had consumed the nation’s previous generations.

Translated by Andrew X. Pham and with an introduction by Pulitzer Prize winner Frances FitzGerald, Last Night I Dreamed of Peace is an extraordinary document that narrates one woman’s personal and political struggles. Above all, it is a story of hope in the most dire of circumstances—told from the perspective of our historic enemy but universal in its power to celebrate and mourn the fragility of human life.

From the Hardcover edition.

“Now available for the first time in English – faithfully translated by Pulitzer Prize-winning Vietnamese American journalist Pham – [LAST NIGHT I DREAMED OF PEACE] is witness to the unjust horrors and countless tragedies of war, a reminder made more pertinent every day.”
The Bloomsbury Review

Last Night I Dreamed of Peace is a book to be read by all and included in any course on the literature of war.”
Chicago Tribune

“Remarkable. . . . A gift from a heroine who was killed at twenty-seven but whose voice has survived to remind us of the humanity and decency that endure amid—and despite—the horror and chaos of war.”
—Francine Prose, O, The Oprah Magazine

“As much a drama of feelings as a drama of war.”
—Seth Mydans, New York Times

“An illuminating picture of what life was like among the enemy guerrillas, especially in the medical community.”
—The VVA Veteran, official publication of Vietnam Veterans of America

“Idealistic young North Vietnamese doctor describes her labors in makeshift clinics and hidden hospitals during the escalation of the Vietnam War.
Tram did not survive the war. On June 22, 1970, an American soldier shot her in the head while she was walking down a jungle pathway dressed in the conventional black pajamas of her compatriots. Judging by her diary, rescued from the flames by another American soldier and first published in Vietnam in 2005, she died with a firm commitment to the Communist Party, the reunion of Vietnam, her profession and her patients, many of whom she saved in surgeries conducted under the most primitive and dangerous conditions imaginable. In one of her first entries, on April 12, 1968, she characterizes herself as having ‘the heart of a lonely girl filled with unanswered hopes and dreams.’ This longing and yearning—especially for the lover she rarely sees, a man she names only as ‘M’ — fills these pages and gives them a poignancy that is at times almost unbearable. Early on, Tram records her concerns about being accepted into the Party. She eventually—and gleefully—is, but one of her last entries reveals the results of an evaluation by her political mentors, who say she must battle her ‘bourgeois’ tendencies. It’s a laughable adjective to apply to a young woman dedicating her life to the communists’ political and military cause. Tram blasts the despised Americans over and over, calling them ‘imperialist,’ ‘invaders,’ ‘bloodthirsty.’ She notes with outrage the devastation wrought by bombs, artillery and defoliation. Describing her efforts to treat a young man burned by a phosphorous bomb, she writes, ‘He looks as if he has been roasted in an oven.’
Urgent, simple prose that pierces the heart.”
Kirkus Reviews

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MFA, Going to School

My literary friends debate this one often:

Q: Should an aspiring writer get an MFA?

A: From all the discussions I’ve had with other published authors, the general consensus is that it depends on a whole lot of things and among these are two important points:

1.  What the writer wants to do. Does he/she want to write or teach, or both?

2.  Does the writer enjoy immersing himself/herself in the MFA format (classes, workshops, thesis, mentors, etc.)? Can he/she thrive and blossom within an MFA program or will it strangle his/her development as a writer?

The natural followups to the previous question often crop up …

Q:  What’s better, learning how to write on your own or going to school?

A:  That’s a hard one to answer. I think it depends on the person. Both paths have their merits. From experience and observation, I would say that formal education, in any field, provides structure and a standardized breadth of knowledge which is very useful and time saving. On the other hand, self-learning fosters self-reliance and places very high value on depth and expertise in one’s particular areas of interest. Whereas the former method forces the student to learn a broad spectrum of knowledge, the latter form is disposed towards independence and specialization.

I think that some people are naturally better students and others are naturally better independent learners. I have a short attention span. I could never keep my mind on a boring lecturer. My entire life, I slept or daydreamed through the vast majority of my classes. I get through school simply by reading the texts and doing my assignments. I knew quite clearly from the beginning that I was a lousy student who got good grades.

The only exceptions so far were writing workshops where I must participate, debate, and evaluate other students’ work. This I found very engaging, at times even thrilling.

Q:  Why didn’t you get an MFA?

A:  I would have applied to an MFA program if …

1.  I hadn’t already incurred a scary amount of educational debts (undergrad + grad MS engineering + grad MBA = decade of crushing poverty).

2.  I had believed that some place would find me worthy as an MFA candidate (At the time, I had just started writing after 5 years of purely technical work and could barely tell the difference between a colon and a semi-colon.)

After penning about 150pages of a fantasy novel, I felt lost and thought I should get some instructions. I enrolled in a couple of creative writing night-courses at the local community college geared for working adults. I enjoyed those classes, made one very good writer-friend, and learned a decent amount of craft.  It was a thoroughly enjoyable experience unlike my years of mathematics, engineering, chemistry, accounting, and marketing.

In fact, if I received an MFA scholarship today, I’d happily be a student all over again–even now when I occasionally teach MFA level classes! There is always something more to learn.

On the flip side, an MFA alone does not a writer make. To write things of worth, one must first breathe, hurt, love, suffer, endure, risk, despair, persevere, and dive into life.

This is the part that presupposes my favorite Hemmingway quote:

“Find the authentic language of your unique experience.”

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Advice, The Writing Life

One question that always comes up during my lectures:

Q: You have been earning a living as a writer for twenty years. Do you have any advice for aspiring writers?

A: Not including my years of freelance work, I’ve written four book length manuscripts (working on the 5th), but as you can see, I’ve only published two so far.

For me, book writing is similar to endurance sports. To go the distance, a writer needs to be fit both in mind and body. Generally, it is unsustainable to write in violent spurts while abusing one’s being with alcohol, rage, or tobacco.

When we’re young, it’s all about the words–everything can be sacrificed for that passion. When we’re older and a tad wiser, it’s about life first and the words second. We know that the latter flows from the former, through experience, steeped in time.

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Montalvo Fellow, Lucas Residency

Hooray! For the first time in my life, I will be going to a designated luxurious haven to write, in a beautiful setting with other writers, artists and musicians and will be entitled to 3 square meals a day by a real chef!

All my life up to this point, I’ve always tried to write wherever I find myself, in a tent, in a mountain fire lookout tower, in my dingy apartment, on my sailboat, cafes (countless hours), libraries (more hours), in my car, on the beach, in a thatch bungalow with a flashlight, or in my gazebo on the Mekong in 102F heat and 90% humidity.

I’m almost afraid of the luxury. Just kidding. Can’t wait! They might have a hard time evicting me.

Friends and supporters of my project are welcome to drop by for drinks!

Many thanks to Prof. John Swensson for alerting me to this opportunity.

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Editorial Reviews of The Eaves of Heaven & Sample Chapter

The Eaves of Heaven: A Life in Three Wars by Andrew X Pham

(Hardcover, 320 pages, Harmony, Random House, June 2008; ISBN-10: 030738120X). Read a sample chapter.

Book Description From Amazon.com

“Once wealthy landowners, Thong Van Pham’s family was shattered by the tumultuous events of the twentieth century: the French occupation of Indochina, the Japanese invasion during World War II, and the Vietnam War.
Told in dazzling chapters that alternate between events in the past and those closer to the present, The Eaves of Heaven brilliantly re-creates the trials of everyday life in Vietnam as endured by one man, from the fall of Hanoi and the collapse of French colonialism to the frenzied evacuation of Saigon. Pham offers a rare portal into a lost world as he chronicles Thong Van Pham’s heartbreaks, triumphs, and bizarre reversals of fortune, whether as a South Vietnamese soldier pinned down by enemy fire, a prisoner of the North Vietnamese under brutal interrogation, or a refugee desperately trying to escape Vietnam after the last American helicopter has abandoned Saigon. This is the story of a man caught in the maelstrom of twentieth-century politics, a gripping memoir told with the urgency of a wartime dispatch by a writer of surpassing talent.”

One of the Ten Best Books of the Year, Washington Post Book World
One of the Los Angeles Times’ Favorite Books of the Year
One of the Top Ten National Books of 2008, Portland Oregonian
A 2009 Honor Book of the Asian/Pacific American Librarians Association

Editorial Reviews:

“Few books have combined the historical scope and the literary skill to give the ­foreign reader a sense of events from a Vietnamese perspective. . . . Now we can add Andrew Pham’s Eaves of Heaven to this list of indispensable books.”
—New York Times Book Review

“Searing . . . vivid–and harrowing . . . Here is war and life through the eyes of a Vietnamese everyman.”
—Seattle Times

From Publishers Weekly
“Starred Review. In a narrative set between the years of 1940 and 1976, Pham (Catfish and Mandala) recounts the story of his once wealthy father, Thong Van Pham, who lived through the French occupation of Indochina, the Japanese invasion during WWII, and the Vietnam War. Alternating between his father’s distant past and more recent events, the narrative take readers on a haunting trip through time and space. This technique lends a soothing, dreamlike quality to a story of upheaval, war, famine and the brutality his father underwent following a childhood of privilege (And that strange year, the last of the good years, all things were granted. Heaven laid the seal of prosperity upon our land. We were blessed with the most bountiful harvest in memory). For those not familiar with Vietnamese history, Pham does an admirable job of recounting the complex cast of characters and the political machinations of the various groups vying for power over the years. In the end, he also gracefully delivers a heartfelt family history. (June)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc.” –This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

From Bookmarks Magazine
All critics agreed that The Eaves of Heaven, written in short, eloquent vignettes that move back and forth in time, is one of the best memoirs of this period in Vietnam’s history written from the Vietnamese point of view. Indeed, it offers a much-needed perspective in the United States, which often thinks of “Vietnam” as a painful episode in its own history rather than another nation’s. But some reviewers, impressed by Pham’s ability to write in his father’s voice without sentimentality, went even further. They called The Eaves of Heaven a classic among memoirs and compared it with classic texts that address the timeless themes of violence and war. The Eaves of Heaven is a book that will greatly appeal to a wide variety of readers. Copyright © 2004 Phillips & Nelson Media, Inc.”

From The Washington Post
Reviewed by Martha Sherrill

“In 1802, a war hero named Hao Pham was awarded a vast tract of land in the fertile flatlands in the north of Vietnam. He’d won several battles that had led to the unification of his country. For this, he became the lord of a large manor with thousands of peasants and lived out his days in supreme comfort. A string of male descendants succeeded him, each becoming richer and more powerful than the last. Under French colonial rule, the Pham estates expanded further.

The Eaves of Heaven describes the gradual undoing of this vast and elaborate dynasty, the cataclysmic disintegration of a country, and the series of dramatic misfortunes that befell the great-great-great-grandson of Hao. Poised to inherit everything, Thong Pham instead lost it all, as Andrew X. Pham, his son, recounts in this gorgeously written book. But this is not ultimately a story of loss and upheaval, nor is it simply a retelling of Vietnam’s war-torn history from a Vietnamese point of view. Many other books have ably covered that ground. The Eaves of Heaven is something entirely new: an effort to recapture the moments of beauty and transcendence that emerged from these events.

Andrew Pham covered some of this ground previously in his acclaimed travel memoir, Catfish and Mandala, but in telling the life story of his own father, he seems to have risen to a new level of quiet and powerful storytelling. Aware that his father’s story, which he tells in his father’s voice, is strong enough to require no enhancements, he is restrained, never sensationalizing.

The Eaves of Heaven is built from a series of short vignettes — some sweet, some horrifying — which are not recounted in chronological sequence, but linked in a narrative that darts nimbly across time, lingering on haunting scenes of brutality and violence as well as of beauty and love. Around every corner there are startling discoveries and juxtapositions caused by the shuffled chronology: misery followed by a gentle love scene or sumptuously described food. (Andrew Pham once was a food critic, and his book can be painful to read if, like me, you don’t live within driving distance of a good Vietnamese restaurant.)

It’s the absence of chronology that gives Thong’s story its magic and depth, and allows it to be sustained by his observations of the ephemeral and the descriptions of unforgettable characters. Colorful personalities appear — cousins, aunties, half-siblings, stepmothers, neighbors — and reappear, sometimes to perish or be executed, victims of the crushing internecine and geopolitical conflicts that Vietnam endured for decades. The country becomes a character, too, like a person being slowly tortured and dismembered. When we encounter the orphan boy that the 9-year-old Thong and his cousin found in a barn during the Great Famine of 1944, it’s impossible not to think of him as a kind of human stand-in for Vietnam itself:

“One afternoon, when Tan and I were playing hide-and-seek, we found a boy bundled in a blanket beneath a pile of hay at the back corner of the barn. Shriveled and bloated with starvation, he looked like some sort of bug, all head and belly, big-eyed and heaving ribs, almost hairless, semi-conscious and possibly mute. He was past talking. It appeared he had crawled into the stable to die.”

The following year, there were so many dying people on the roadsides of the family estate that decaying body parts became a common sight and were transformed into macabre playthings.

“I remembered kicking a skull. There were many. My friends and I picked one that was detached from a body. It was round enough to roll like the grapefruits we once used. Bouncing across the dirt, it had no human feature. Ravens had picked the eye sockets clean.”

Deprivation and suffering finally trickled up to the aristocrats, causing Thong and his family to walk away from their ancestral homeland, taking only one suitcase each, after the Vietnamese communists had been given the northern half of the country by the Geneva Accords in 1954. In the South, living on the bleak outskirts of Saigon, the Phams were reduced to desperation, first running a dark and greasy noodle shop that failed, then a country inn that became a popular whorehouse. Thong’s father, once a dashing playboy with fine clothes and a nobleman’s languid manner, degenerated into a hopeless opium addict who never managed to rise from his lounge or emerge from his haze.

A bookish and unathletic boy who felt awkward next to his polished, debauched father, Thong found comfort in the classroom and dreamed of being a scholar and teacher. His mother encouraged him, and together they buried a champagne bottle in her private garden on the estate in the north — to be opened upon his passing of middle school graduation exams.

Thong’s mother is the nourishing spirit of the book, a refined woman who left behind a treasure of good feeling and noble ideas to help carry her son through. Just 31 when she died, she hovered over his life for years after, a kind of angel who guided Thong and kept him alive.

“Mother had taught me that the eaves of heaven had a way of turning in cycles, of dealing both blows and recompenses. For every devastating flood, there followed a bountiful crop. For every long stretch of flawless days, there waited a mighty storm just below the horizon.”

By the story’s end, Thong has witnessed cruelty, waste and government corruption, and has endured prison, torture, and the deaths and humiliations of one friend after another. All he has left are the things inside him: the books he’s read, the memories of the people he loves and hopes to see again, the strength and wisdom he’s gained from deprivation. He has lost everything, and yet so much remains. Copyright 2008, The Washington Post.”

“The ‘I’ of the first-person narration, belonging not the author but to his father; the Edenic lushness of Thong’s childhood memories, intermingled with the wrenching dramas to come: These are the devices of sophisticated fiction, drawing us in while keeping us precariously off balance.”
—The Boston Globe

“[A] work of radiance. In some ways, it resembles that supreme recollection of a world lost to history’s depredations, Speak, Memory, in which Vladimir Nabokov summoned up his pre-revolutionary Russian boyhood. . . . [A]s with Tolstoy’s war and peace, darkness, intrinsically formless, gets shape and vividness from the light playing through it. . . . brilliantly chilling . . .”
—Richard Eder, Los Angeles Times

“Thong Van Pham is constantly fleeing and rebuilding in the midst of war, watching world after world vanish, from the feudal estate of his childhood to the Hanoi of the ‘50s to the Saigon of the 70s. He and his son have done us the extraordinary service of bringing a few pieces of those worlds back again.”
—New York Times Book Review

“ . . . [A] gorgeously written book . . . [Pham] seems to have risen to a new level of quiet and powerful storytelling. . . . The Eaves of Heaven is built from a series of short vignettes — some sweet, some horrifying — which are not recounted in chronological sequence, but linked in a narrative that darts nimbly across time, lingering on haunting scenes of brutality and violence as well as of beauty and love. . . . It’s the absence of chronology that gives Thong’s story its magic and depth, and allows it to be sustained by his observations of the ephemeral and the descriptions of unforgettable characters.”
—Washington Post Book World

“[A] searing story . . . The remembered images of more tranquil, carefree times are what make the subsequent depictions of wartime terrors and devastation so heartbreaking. . . . Pham has a novelist’s eye for telling details . . .”
—Seattle Times

“There are some books that writers shouldn’t read . . . because they are so good they make you despair that you could ever write so well yourself. The Eaves of Heaven by Andrew X. Pham, is such a book. Pham . . . is the best kind of memoirist. . . . He understands a memoir is not really about oneself but about a period, a time, a people. . . . As a memoir, The Eaves of Heaven accomplishes what few polemics do – it is a sweeping personal indictment of war, a reassuring and yet merciless affirmation of the human spirit.”
—Portland Oregonian

“Pham deftly paints a compelling portrait of life during three wars in Vietnam . . . This beautifully written books is essential for public and academic libraries.”
—Library Journal, starred review

“War-torn as it was, a lost world lives again in Thong’s recollections of the passions of his life: food, friends, family, romance. Personal tragedy and triumph, related with amazing perspective against an epic backdrop.”
—Kirkus Reviews, starred review

“World-shaping events that most Americans know merely through schematic maps and historical summaries take on a poignantly human immediacy in this story of one storm-buffeted man: Thong Van Pham, the author’s father. . . . By turns touching and searing, this slice of history—like Pham’s earlier Catfish and Mandala (1999)—deserves a wide readership.”
—Booklist, starred review

“Alternating between his father’s distant past and more recent events, the narrative takes readers on a haunting trip through time and space. This technique lends a soothing, dreamlike quality. . . Pham does an admirable job of recounting the complex cast of characters and the political machinations of the various groups vying for power over the years. In the end, he also gracefully delivers a heartfelt family history.”
—Publishers Weekly, starred review.

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Chapter Excerpt:

The North
1940

Prologue
Ancestors

My family came from the Red River Delta, an alluvial plain of raven earth and limitless water. It was an exceptionally fertile country, though not a youthful land with treasures to be plundered. What riches it had, it yielded solely to sweat and toil. It had known centuries of peasant hands.

Generations beyond recall, my ancestors had tilled this soil where fortunes were made and reversed by countless successions of insurgencies, raids, and wars. The rise of our clan began with my great-great-greatgrandfather Hao Pham, a noted officer in King Nguyen Anh’s army. For his battlefield victories against rebellious warlords, he was awarded a vast tract of land after the king’s unification of Viet Nam in 1802. As was customary in the feudal order for the richest man in the area, he won the privilege of lord proctorship over all the villages within a day’s ride by horseback of his home. He assumed the post, raised a big family with three wives, and lived out his days in comfort. When he retired, his eldest son succeeded him, acquiring the same commission. Later, in the French colonial period, when the clan’s property had grown even larger, his grandson became domain magistrate. So it went from generation to generation, both land and titles passed as birthrights from fathers to the firstborn sons. By the time of my grandfather and father, ours grew to be one of the two richest clans in the province, our holdings spreading out to the horizon.

Still, it was a realm of rice paddies, mud houses, and shoeless peasants. It was a world before the arrival of electricity, banks, and refrigeration. In the whole province, there were only two cars. My uncle Thuan owned one, but kept it merely as a modern marvel. He was more comfortable astride a horse. In our village of a thousand souls, there was a single firearm—a double-barreled shotgun Uncle used to hunt birds. For weaponry, there were swords, spears, and martial arts. The only other technological intrusions into our village were two mechanical clocks; my father owned one, and my uncle owned the other. Prized collectibles, neither was used to tell the hour. For that, there were the crows of the cock, the height of the sun, and the length of one’s shadow. The average peasant owned three sets of clothes, brown or black pajamas, the same exact outfit in varying degrees of wear, with the newest reserved for holidays and temple visits. He rose before dawn and labored till dusk, and might expect to have a small amount of meat with his dinner. In the material sense, it was a simpler world. There was little, and yet everything, to be desired. Though perhaps as flatlanders we lacked imagination. Folks prayed for good health, good weather, and good crops. And that strange year, the last of the good years, all things were granted. Heaven laid the seal of prosperity upon our land. We were blessed with the most bountiful harvest in memory.

That summer, Uncle Thuan, the head of our clan, confessed to his third wife that he believed the wind of fortune was shifting, and that, at thirty-nine years of age, he felt disaster looming. Omens had shown themselves. First, the string of good years crowned by a historic crop signaled a grave imbalance in nature; another cycle was approaching. Second, a crow, that provincial harbinger of death, had alighted in his courtyard and stared into his audience hall. The scarecrows he had erected hadn’t prevented the cursed bird from paying him another visit. Last, he dreamt that the bamboo hedge encircling our ancestral estate was filled with voices speaking a foreign tongue; an evil had laid siege to our home. Within days of this nightmare, talk of war was rampant throughout the countryside. Disturbing reports came through his intelligence channels. The underground worlds were gathering their forces. A great storm approached, so warned his Nationalist informants; so concurred his Communist agents. Then, the colonial French suppressed and denied the rumor, which naturally made it a fact. The shadow of war had fallen upon the world. Dark days would sweep down from China. Within weeks, World War II would reach the Red River Delta on the heels of the Japanese army and mark the downfall of our clan.

The south
May 1956

1. Leaving Home

Right after my high school graduation in 1956, I found myself on a bus headed north to a small coastal town where a summer teaching position awaited me. Outside the windows, the ratty fringe of Saigon slipped away— dirt lanes and sewage creeks banked by weathered shacks and smoldering fires. Women stooped with age swept smooth the bare ground in front of their homes. Naked toddlers stood in doorways, knuckling sleep from their eyes. Fresh incense on roadside altars sent tendrils of prayers heavenward. Above the mottled tin roofs, early sun flicked through the foliage. A breeze carried the grassy scent of paddy water. I was twenty-one and striking out on my own for the first time. I had a suitcase with two pairs of slacks, three white shirts, underwear, a toothbrush, a bar of soap, and a comb. My first week’s wages would afford me another pair of trousers and a shirt. It wouldn’t be appropriate for the students to notice their new teacher’s meager wardrobe.

Passengers outnumbered seats on the bus, but the driver kept on picking up more people along the way, the ticket-man happily pocketing their fares. The bag-man roped the luggage together in a great camel-hump on the roof: bamboo cages of ducks and chickens, wooden crates, boxes, rucksacks, bundles of fresh vegetables. A number of people spent their whole trip standing or sitting on their valises crammed in the aisle. Some used the bus as a local shuttle service to nearby villages.

It was a Friday, so there were plenty of travelers, too many toddlers for a peaceful journey. Somewhere up front, a baby wailed relentlessly. A ruckus broke out at the rear. A rooster had gotten loose and half the bus erupted into flurries of hands, feathers, and screams. The owner leaped over two rows of seats, caught his rooster by the neck, and landed in the lap of a merchant woman. She said, “Thank you, Buddha, but what’s a granny like me to do with two roosters?” Trader-women hooted. A plump matron said, “I’ll take the big one, he’s not so bad looking.” Another chortled and said, “The feathery one has more stud potential.” They cackled, and the man, red-faced, crept back to his seat with his bird tucked safely in a sack. The women continued cajoling as though they were sitting at home. Their cheerful mood was infectious, and I felt rather buoyant, even though I was wedged between an old man, who squatted barefoot in his seat, and the window. But having the window was enough for me to consider this as a propitious beginning. Lightheaded with freedom, I felt as though I was flying on newly discovered wings.

It seemed so effortless, as if I had, by receiving a diploma, strolled through a magical portal, and left behind my whole family crowded in a shed of a house. The ease by which this job came to me made it seemed like destiny. Things had been difficult since we fled Hanoi two years ago, so I loved feeling that I was at last on the right path. All I did was answer the first ad I saw in the Saigon Daily. It was a math and science position at a private school. After a few letters, I was granted an interview. The principal came to my family’s noodle shop. Mr. Thinh Nguyen was a short, thick-bodied man in his late forties, with a small hump on his back, which he immediately explained was from a motorcycle accident. Despite this handicap, he was elegant in his movements and had the graceful glide-walk of a short-legged man. He smoked small French-style cigarettes made in Vietnam.

By our accents, we knew we were both northerners. As it turned out, he had studied in Hanoi and roomed not far from our old neighborhood. I told him my family were refugees, arriving two years ago under the Geneva Accord, which gave the Vietnamese Communists the northern half of the country. He said he had to leave his home a few years before then. Like most refugees, he didn’t talk about why he fled or what he left behind, and that was fine with me. Everyone had lost something. No one willingly chose an impoverished exile, dislocated from his birth-village and the spirits of his ancestors. I respected his silence and he did not press me for details of our plight. I appreciated the courtesy. Looking around at the rancid hovel in which my entire family lived and worked—the crude tables, the dirt floor, the windowless loft—I thought it would sound vaunted or, perhaps, blatantly false if I tried to explain who we once were, or spoke of our lineage. It wasn’t shame; we were beyond that.

As soon as we started talking about my academic records, he switched over to French. I liked it because I felt more comfortable in French when speaking with superiors and elders. French was more egalitarian than Viet. It was generous of him. Besides, it was natural for us to speak French, since it had been the official language of academia in Vietnam for longer than we had been alive. Generations of Vietnamese students spent lifetimes in classrooms speaking, writing, reading, and breathing French texts. So it did not seem ironic to me then that we sat there, two North Vietnamese exiles in a dark and greasy noodle shop on the edge of Saigon, conversing in French when neither one of us had ever set foot in France. We both had suits of Parisian cut and sported Western haircuts, and were more well-read in French poetry and European literature than most French soldiers. And yet, if we saw a Frenchman strolling toward us, we might, out of revulsion, cross the road to avoid him. The language had become a condition of our lives. It did not occur to us to scorn it or discard it from our tongues. It would have been impossible to try.

As the principal started talking about his school, his quaint town, and the fine French things he enjoyed, I thought of the manicured villas around our neighborhood in Hanoi; the fabulous bistros my father frequented with the whole family; the bouillabaisse, the croissants, and the ice cream. The best times of my life in Hanoi came flitting back into my head. Soon I was swimming in romanticism, drawing parallels between Hanoi and Phan Thiet, even though the most I’d seen of Phan Thiet until then had been little sketches on the labels of fish sauce bottles. As for the looks of the town or its people, I hadn’t a clue, although I imagined it to be some idyllic fishing village of white beaches lined with coconut palms, maybe with an ice cream parlor where I could enjoy a peach melba after a swim.

“Most of my teachers are moonlighting from the public schools. You won’t feel alone,” he said after we had chatted amiably for about an hour. “I only have three teachers on my permanent staff, and this position is for the only full-time science-math teacher for the tenth, eleventh, and twelfth grades. It’s only three morning classes and the job comes with room and board. Do you think you’re ready to teach?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Congratulations, you’ve got the job. With your father’s permission, we’ll start you in your own classroom next week.”

My father was concerned, with good reason, that a job far from home might sidetrack me from my goal of a higher education. However, he disapproved of my recent involvement in students’ political demonstrations, some of which had turned violent. He knew that a summer out of town would keep me out of trouble. On top of that, we needed the money. Our pho restaurant, my father’s ill-conceived attempt to bring northern cooking to the southerners, was on the verge of collapse, taking with it the last bit of a mighty family fortune that went back many generations. We had lost everything in the fall of Hanoi. With financial catastrophe looming, he swallowed his protests and made me promise that I would write every week and return to attend Saigon University in the fall.

To escape, I would have promised him all the fish in the Saigon River.

On the 28th of July, two years ago, my family had fled Hanoi in a huge Dakota cargo plane. We were traveling with my stepmother’s parents and their other daughter, who was my age. The cargo hold was packed with refugees sitting on the baseboard of the plane and clinging to straps and netting. We landed at Saigon’s airport. Disoriented after a long and turbulent flight, we stumbled off the plane, anxious to get out of the cramped hold and put our feet on the ground again. Half the people were covered in vomit. We huddled in the shade of the plane, each toting a single allotted valise, and squinted at our new homeland. It felt like a foreign country.

The airport was three times larger than Gia Lam Airport in Hanoi. The tarmac sprawled in every direction. Buildings and gigantic hangars lined the long runway. Squadrons of warplanes and cargo carriers were parked in neat rows. The humid air was impregnated with the sting of fuel and engine exhaust. Convoys of trucks rumbled back and forth across the tarmac. Crews were unloading and refueling the cargo planes. They were flying nonstop around the clock, transporting refugees, French troops, and equipment out of the North. A somber mood of retreat permeated the scene.

A fat Chinese-Vietnamese man wearing a khaki colonial hat, a white short-sleeved shirt, khaki pants, and a pair of sandals took a list from the French sergeant, and then came forward to welcome us with open arms. He beamed a generous smile, which immediately put us North Vietnamese on guard. “Welcome to Saigon, misses and children. My name is Mr. Fourth,” he said.

It took us a moment to grasp his southern accent. Among other things, he got the “v” and “o” sounds mixed up with the “z” and “u.”

His phrasing sounded very odd. Older people flinched, as North Vietnamese commonly addressed a group by saying “Dear ladies, dear gentlemen.” I would later learn that “misses and children” was the southern way of saying “folks” and that South Vietnamese seldom called each other by their first names, but by the order of their birth. If a man was the firstborn, they called him “Second” because the title “First” belonged to the village headman. Accordingly, Mr. Fourth was the third-born in his family.

He had us board two buses to go to our temporary lodgings. Outside the airport, orchards and houses lined the busy, fume-choked road. Without rice fields, the land looked drier than in the North. We passed through a tin-shack slum. The air above the roofs wavered with heat. It was a sprawl of rust and decay. The streets were bare, unpaved. Mounds of putrid garbage stewed in the sun. There wasn’t a single tree to shoulder the searing heat. Women wore pajama-like clothes and wrapped checkered scarves on their heads. Most men went shirtless and shoeless, covering themselves with only a pair of shorts or a sarong that came halfway down their thighs. There were small groceries, motorbike repair shops, and fruit vendors with strange bright-colored fruits piled high in baskets and bananas hanging under the awnings. Closer to Saigon proper, there were more two- and three-story buildings, dwellings mixed in with shops and warehouses. Every sidewalk was teeming with kiosk-diners filled with shirtless men drinking. People ate right on the street, their backs to the thrumming traffic, their heads swimming in engine exhaust. It was a sobering sight because in Hanoi only the expensive restaurants and bistros put tables on the sidewalk. The cheapest vendors would be the ones putting low benches on the side of the road for customers. In Hanoi everyone was fully clothed; even laborers didn’t go outside shirtless, much less sit down to eat. Saigon seemed to me a very unruly, graceless city. It might have been uplifting to see the city center, but the bus took a meandering route, veering on the outskirts and turning onto one small street after another until we arrived in Saigon’s Chinatown.

Compared to Hanoi’s Chinatown, which spanned a few city blocks, Cho Lon was practically a city. It coexisted side by side with Saigon like an unattractive sibling; it was grimy, bustling, cacophonous. The buildings were crammed together, as if they grew on top of one another. Every door was a storefront with bins of goods, produce, and meats spilling onto the sidewalk. Upstairs were offices with placard billboards and living quarters with laundry hanging out the windows. The city generated its own breeze, a mixture of sewage, garbage, aromatic noodle soup, baked buns, dishwater, roast duck, and mildew.

It was, in fact, the powerhouse of South Vietnam. Cho Lon Chinese controlled the vast majority of trading houses, which also handled the shipping and warehousing of every conceivable commodity for domestic consumption and export.

The buses delivered us to a three-story hotel on a wide commercial street. Typical of the low-end Chinese establishments, it was a sad, dark, dingy place, manned by a humorless middle-age Chinese who couldn’t summon a greeting or a smile. The lobby was an eight-by-eight-foot space with a wooden bench and a board painted with the hotel rules in Chinese and Viet. It was devoid of decoration—not a single painting, poster, or potted plant. The windowless rooms were small and hot, with clumps of cobwebs in the corners. The ceiling fans did nothing but draw out the reek of mildew and cigarettes from the peeling walls. Stuffy air from the hallway oozed into the rooms through wooden screens above the doors. There was a communal bathroom on each floor. Surprisingly, there was one redeeming feature in the building: the toilet. It was a squat affair with a cast-iron water tank mounted up near the ceiling. Back in Hanoi, where there was no sewage system, we only had pit toilets filled with calcium oxide powder, the compost collected periodically by municipal workers using ox-drawn carts. A flush toilet, I thought, was surely a sign of civilization.

But Saigon held little prospect for us to make a new life. The first week, Father roamed about town looking for work only to return well after dark empty-handed. With the Chinese manager patrolling the hall to keep people from cooking in the hotel, Stepmother made do with greasy Chinese fare and low-grade rice from street stalls. We gathered on the floor and ate the lukewarm food Stepmother laid on the straw mat.

Father didn’t eat much. He sat slump-shouldered, shaking his head, talking in his quiet, defeated voice. “There’s nothing. It’s hopeless. They won’t hire me because I’m not Chinese.”

Stepmother said, “Can you look elsewhere?”

“The Chinese control everything; they own everything. Look around you; they even got the government contracts to house us northerners.” Father sighed. He had handled a fair amount of government transactions in Hanoi and knew how profitable it could be.

But it was easy to forget our dire situation because the ultimate entertainment center in Saigon sat directly across the street from the hotel. It was an ugly, enigmatic compound the size of three city blocks enclosed by a tall, corrugated sheet-metal wall, looking very much like a giant construction site. There was not even a single billboard over the gate to hint at what was within. A policeman guarded the entrance and enforced a single rule: No shirt, no entry. Bare feet, body odor, and rags, however, were acceptable. Men, women, and children of all ages passed through at all hours. The place bustled during the day, but at night, it turned into a raging carnival.

It was owned by Mr. Vien the Seventh, the biggest mafia boss in South Vietnam, who had his own army based in a forest between Saigon and Vung Tau. The establishment originally started as a casino, but it grew to provide every service, material good, and entertainment imaginable. It grew until it became true to its name—The Great World. Beneath the great span of its interlacing roofs were jewelers, gold dealers, pawnshops, clothing stores, exotic-medicine purveyors, herbalists, massage parlors, theater stages, private rooms for hourly rental, opium lounges, teahouses with hostesses, nice restaurants, little noodle stands, food stalls, candy shops, bakeries, and an amusement park with, among other rides, two merry-go-round carousels and our favorite, the bumper-car arena. It even had its own climate, controlled by fans and vents.

Allowance in hands, we followed other refugees into the Great World. We lost ourselves in the crowd of gamblers, drinkers, opium users, whores, pimps, crooks, businessmen, and entertainers. While my brothers and I stayed close to the amusement park area, wasting most of our money on bumper cars, my cousin Tan ran off alone to the gambling tables.

Even Father could not resist the draw of the Great World. Within a week, he abandoned his job search and surrendered himself to the familiar comfort of the pipe. Day after day, he woke up, got dressed as though he were going to an interview, and strolled across the street directly to the opium lounge inside the Great World.

It had begun—his last, irrecoverable descent. At night, phantom ants crawled up his legs and kept him awake. We children took turns kneeling at his bedside to massage his limbs, kneading the atrophied flesh to ease his ruined nerves. Rigorous at first, then more softly in tiny, gradual increments. Slowly, gently. Slowly, gently. The addict’s lullaby. It was like putting a child to sleep.

Excerpted from The Eaves of Heaven by Andrew X. Pham. Copyright © 2008 by Andrew X. Pham. Excerpted by permission of Harmony Books, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

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Editorial Reviews of Catfish and Mandala & Sample Chapter

 

Catfish and Mandala: A Two-Wheeled Voyage Across the Landscape and Memory of Vietnam, by Andrew X. Pham. (Hardcover, 336 pages, Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 1999; Paperback, Picador, 2000; ISBN-10: 0312267177). Read a sample chapterListen to an audio interview with Andrew X. Pham from NPR’s Morning Edition; NPR special correspondent Susan Stamberg talks with Andrew.

Book Description From Amazon.com

“Catfish and Mandala is the poignant, lyrical tale of an American odyssey–a solo bicycle voyage around the Pacific Rim to Vietnam–made by a young Vietnamese-American man in pursuit of both his adopted homeland and his forsaken fatherland. Intertwined with an often humorous travelogue spanning a year of discovery is a memoir of war, escape, and, ultimately, family secrets.

Viewed through Viet-kieu (foreign Vietnamese) eyes and told in an accomplished voice, Catfish and Mandala uncovers a new Vietnam, its scarred landscape dotted with indefinable, tenacious people grappling with their unique brand of Third World capitalism. Their stories are at once ephemeral and lasting, their faces fleeting, intense, memorable. There is Pham’s stepgrandfather Le, the fish-sauce baron of Phan Thiet, who claims his ancestors invented the condiment; his father, a POW of the Vietcong, who finally leads his family on a perilous boat journey to the land of their freedom; and his beloved sister, Chi, a post-operative transsexual who commits suicide.

Pham deftly limns the lasting scars of the Vietnam War and the plight of a refugee family, to create a haunting portrait of America framed by the perspective of an outsider, a stranger straddling two continents.

In Vietnam, he’s taken for Japanese or Korean by his countrymen, except by his relatives, who doubt that as a Vietnamese he has the stamina to complete his journey (“Only Westerners can do it”). And in the United States, of course, he’s considered anything except American.

A vibrant, picaresque memoir written with narrative flair and a wonderful, eye-opening sense of adventure, Catfish and Mandala is an unforgettable search for cultural identity and a moving exploration of memory by a striking new voice in American letters.”

Editorial Reviews:

From Publishers Weekly

“In narrating his search for his roots, Vietnamese-American and first-time author Pham alternates between two story lines. The first, which begins in war-torn Vietnam, chronicles the author’s hair-raising escape to the U.S. as an adolescent in 1977 and his family’s subsequent and somewhat troubled life in California. The second recounts his return to Vietnam almost two decades later as an Americanized but culturally confused young man. Uncertain if his trip is a “pilgrimage or a farce,” Pham pedals his bike the length of his native country, all the while confronting the guilt he feels as a successful Viet-kieu (Vietnamese expatriate) and as a survivor of his older sister Chi, whose isolation in America and eventual suicide he did little to prevent. Flipping between the two story lines, Pham elucidates his main dilemma: he’s an outsider in both America and Vietnam. In the former for being Vietnamese, and the latter for being Viet-kieu. Aside from a weakness for hyphenated compounds like “people-thick” and “passion-rich,” Pham’s prose is fluid and fast, navigating deftly through time and space. Wonderful passages describe the magical qualities of catfish stew, the gruesome preparation of “gaping fish” (a fish is seared briefly in oil with its head sticking out, but is supposedly still alive when served), the furious flow of traffic in Ho Chi Minh City and his exasperating confrontations with gangsters, drunken soldiers and corrupt bureaucrats. In writing a sensitive, revealing book about cultural identity, Pham also succeeds in creating an exciting adventure story. (Oct.) Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.”

From Library Journal

“As a child, Pham fled Vietnam with his family and settled in California. Here he recounts his return–by bicycle, as he wheels up the West Coast, boards a plane, and finds himself at the airport in Saigon, cursing out the “nitwits in flip-flops” who wrecked his bike. Clearly, this is no sentimental journey; Pham’s is a soul divided. He’s a contentious guide, but the journey is heartrending and invaluable. (LJ 10/1/99) Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.”

From Booklist

Perhaps the most American writing theme is the road trip as search for identity. Pham has written a memoir (and, in the process, a travelogue) that will be widely appealing. His family immigrated to the U.S. after escaping from Vietnam, where his father had been held in a communist “re-education camp” after the war. Once in the U.S., his parents worked grueling hours to afford to educate their children. During those years Pham’s sister ran away after being beaten by her father, and when she returned years later, she had become a transsexual. Eventually, she commited suicide, and her death was a dark, unspoken family secret. Pham, who had become an engineer, had an identity crisis and left his career to bicycle through the U.S., Mexico, Japan, and, eventually, Vietnam, to examine his roots. Seeing his native country through Americanized eyes, he finds it both attractive and repellent. Ultimately, he must reconcile to being an outsider in all cultures. – Eric Robbins

From Kirkus Reviews

“A brilliantly written memoir in which a young Vietnamese-American uses a bicycle journey in his homeland as a vehicle to tell his eventful life story. The veteran-penned “going back” book has become a subgenre of the American Vietnam War canon. So, too, has the multigenerational Vietnamese-refugee family saga. Now comes a stunning first: a family tale by a Vietnamese-American that centers on an eye-opening trip to his native land. Pham (born Pham Xuan An) fled Vietnam with his family in 1977 at age ten. Raised in California, he worked hard, went to UCLA, and landed a good engineering job. A few years ago, rebelling against family pressures to succeed and a patronizing, if not racist, work environment, Pham quit his job. Much to his parents’ displeasure, he set off on bicycle excursions through Mexico, Japan, and, finally, Vietnam. “I have to do something unethnic,” he says. “I have to go. Make my pilgrimage.” In his first book, Pham details his solo cycling journeys, mixing in stories of his and his family’s life before and after leaving Vietnam. The most riveting sections are Pham’s exceptional evocations of his father’s time in a postwar communist reeducation (read: concentration) camp and the family’s near miraculous escape by sea from their homeland. The heart of the narrative is Pham’s depiction of his five-month adventure in Vietnam, often not a pretty picture. Because of his unique status as a budget-minded Viet Kieu (overseas Vietnamese), he runs into significant harassment from the police and many unfriendly civilians. For every moment of self-discovery and enchantment there seem to be ten of disappointment and dispiritedness plus nearly constant physical pain from his journey and a bout of dysentery. But Pham perseveres. He returns to his home, America, with a smile on his face. An insightful, creatively written report on Vietnam today and on the fate of a Vietnamese family in America. — Copyright ©1999, Kirkus Associates, LP.”

From Amazon.com Review

A great memoirist can burnish even an ordinary childhood into something bright–see, for instance, Annie Dillard’s An American Childhood. So what about a really good writer with access to a dramatic and little-documented story? This is the case with Catfish and Mandala, Vietnamese American Andrew X. Pham’s captivating first book, which delves fearlessly into questions of home, family, and identity. The son of Vietnamese parents who suffered terribly during the Vietnam War and brought their family to America when he was 10, Pham, on the cusp of his 30s, defied his parents’ conservative hopes for him and his engineering career by becoming a poorly paid freelance writer. After the suicide of his sister, he set off on an even riskier path to travel some of the world on his bicycle. In the grueling, enlightening year that followed, he pedaled through Mexico, the American West Coast, Japan, and finally his far-off first land, Vietnam.
The story, with some of a mandala’s repeated symbolic motifs, works on several levels at once. It is an exploration into the meaning of home, a descriptive travelogue, and an intimate look at the Vietnamese immigrant experience. There are beautifully illuminated flashbacks to the experience of fleeing Vietnam and to an earlier, more innocent childhood. While Pham’s stern father, a survivor of Vietcong death camps, regrets that Pham has not been a respectful Vietnamese son, he also reveals that he wishes he himself had been more “American” for his kids, that he had “taken [them] camping.” Catfish and Mandala is a book of double-edged truths, and it would make a fascinating study even in less able hands. In those of the adventurous, unsentimental Pham, it is an irresistible story. –Maria Dolan

Newspaper & Magazine Reviews:

“Thoreau, Theroux, Kerouac, Steinbeck, Mark Twain and William Least Heat-Moon—the roster of those who have turned to their travels for inspiration includes some of America’s most noted scribes. Now add Andrew X. Pham to the list . . . Catfish and Mandala records a remarkable odyssey across landscape and into memory.”—The Seattle Times

“An engaging and vigorously told story . . . a fresh and original look at how proud Vietnamese on the war’s losing side reconciled having their identity abruptly hyphenated to Vietnamese-American.”—Gavin Scott, Chicago Tribune

“A modern Plutarch might pair Pham’s story with that of Chris McCandless, the uncompromising young man whose spiritual quest led him to a forlorn death in Alaska. Pham, instead of seeking out remote places where he could explore fantasies of self-sufficiency, instictively understood that self-knowledge emerges from engagement with others. In his passionate telling, his travelogue acquires the universality of a bildungsroman.”—The New Yorker

“A trip so necessary and so noble makes others seem like mere jaunts or stunts.”—The New York Times Book Review

“Part memoir, part travelogue . . . Catfish and Mandala [is] a visceral, funny and tender look at modern-day Vietnam, interwoven with the saga of Pham’s refugee family.”—Annie Nakao, San Francisco Examiner

“Far more than a travelogue . . . Catfish and Mandala is a seamlessly constructed work deftly combining literary techniques with careful, evenhanded reportage . . . A gifted writer . . . Pham opens readers to the full sadness of the human condition on both sides of the world, marveling at spiritual resilience amid irreconcilable facts.”—Roland Kelts, The Philadelphia Inquirer

“No small achievement . . . Scenes of [Pham's] wild road adventure [are] worthy of Jack Kerouac.”—The San Francisco Chronicle

“Stunning . . . A brilliantly written memoir in which a young Vietnamese-American uses a bicycle journey in his homeland as a vehicle to tell his eventful life story . . . Pham (born Pham Xuan An) fled Vietnam with his family in 1977 at age ten. Raised in California, he worked hard, went to UCLA, and landed a good engineering job. A few years ago, rebelling against family pressures to succeed and a patronizing, if not racist, work environment, Pham quit his job. Much to his parents’ displeasure, he set off on bicycle excursions through Mexico, Japan, and, finally, Vietnam. ‘I have to do something unethnic,’ he says. ‘I have to go. Make my pilgrimage.’ In his first book, Pham details his solo cycling journeys, mixing in stories of his and his family’s life before and after leaving Vietnam. The most riveting sections are Pham’s exceptional evocations of his father’s time in a postwar communist reeducation (read: concentration) camp and the family’s near miraculous escape by sea from their homeland . . . An insightful, creatively written report on Vietnam today and on the fate of a Vietnamese family in America.”—Kirkus Reviews

“[Pham] fuels his memoir and travelogue, full of both comic and painful adventures, with a broad appreciation of the variety and vividness of creation. The people, the landscapes, the poverty and grime of Vietnam live for us through him, a man full of sadness and unrequited longing and love . . . a powerful memoir of grief and a doomed search for cultural identity.”—Vince Passaro, Elle

“In narrating his search for his roots, Vietnamese-American and first-time author Pham alternates between two story lines. The first, which begins in war-torn Vietnam, chronicles the author’s hair-raising escape to the U.S. as an adolescent in 1977 and his family’s subsequent and somewhat troubled life in California. The second recounts his return to Vietnam almost two decades later as an Americanized but culturally confused young man. Uncertain if his trip is a ‘pilgrimage or a farce,’ Pham pedals his bike the length of his native country, all the while confronting the guilt he feels as a successful Viet-kieu (Vietnamese expatriate) and as a survivor of his older sister Chi, whose isolation in America and eventual suicide he did little to prevent. Flipping between the two story lines, Pham elucidates his main dilemma: he’s an outsider in both America and Vietnam—in the former for being Vietnamese, and the latter for being Viet-kieu . . . In writing a sensitive, revealing book about cultural identity, Pham also succeeds in creating an exciting adventure story.”—Publishers Weekly

“Perhaps the most American writing theme is the road trip as search for identity. Pham has written a memoir (and, in the process, a travelogue) that will be widely appealing. His family immigrated to the U.S. after escaping from Vietnam, where his father had been held in a communist ‘re-education camp’ after the war. Once in the U.S., his parents worked grueling hours to afford to educate their children. During those years Pham’s sister ran away after being beaten by her father, and when she returned years later, she had become a transsexual. Eventually, she commited suicide, and her death was a dark, unspoken family secret. Pham, who had become an engineer, had an identity crisis and left his career to bicycle through the U.S., Mexico, Japan, and, eventually, Vietnam, to examine his roots. Seeing his native country through Americanized eyes, he finds it both attractive and repellent. Ultimately, he must reconcile to being an outsider in all cultures.”—Eric Robbins, Booklist.

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Chapter Excerpt:

Chapter One
Exile – Pilgrim

The first thing I notice about Tyle is that he can squat on his haunches Third World-style, indefinitely. He is a giant, an anachronistic Thor in rasta drag, barechested, barefoot, desert-baked golden. A month of wandering the Mexican wasteland has tumbled me into his lone camp warded by cacti. Rising from the makeshift pavilion staked against the camper top of his pickup, he moves to meet me with an idle power I envy. I see the wind has carved leathery lines into his legend-hewn face of fjords and right angles.

In a dry, earthen voice, he asks me, “Looking for the hot spring?”
“Yeah, Agua Caliente. Am I even close?”
“Sure. This is the place. Up the way a couple hundred yards.”
“Amazing! I found it!”
He smiles, suddenly very charismatic, and shakes his head of long matty blond hair. “How you got here on that bike is amazing.”

I had been pedaling and pushing through the forlorn land, roaming the foreign coast on disused roads and dirt tracks. When I was hungry or thirsty, I stopped at ranches and farms and begged the owners for water from their wells and tried to buy tortillas, eggs, goat cheese, and fruit. Every place gave me nourishment; men and women plucked grapefruits and tangerines from their family gardens, bagged food from their pantries, and accepted not one peso in return. Why, I asked them. Señor, they explained in the patient tone reserved for those convalescing, you are riding a bicycle, so you are poor. You are in the desert going no where, so you are crazy. Taking money from a poor and crazy man brings bad luck. All the extras, they confided, were because I wasn’t a gringo. A crew of Mexican ranchers said they liked me because I was a bueno hermano—good brother—a Vietnamito, and my little Vietnam had golpea big America back in ’75. But I’m American, Vietnamese American, I shouted at them. They grinned—Sí, sí, Señor—and grilled me a slab of beef.

Tyle says, “So, where are you from?”
“Bay Area, California.”
“No. Where are you from? Originally.”
I have always hated this question and resent him for asking. I hide my distaste because it is un-American. Perhaps I will lie. I often do when someone corners me. Sometimes, my prepared invention slips out before I realize it: I’m Japanese-Korean-Chinese-mixed-race Asian. No, sir, can’t speak any language but good old American English.
This time, I turn the question: “Where do you think?”
“Korea.”

Something about him makes me dance around the truth. I chuckle, painfully aware that “I’m an American” carries little weight with him. It no doubt resonates truer in his voice.
The blond giant holds me with his green eyes, making me feel small, crooked. So I reply, “We nips all look alike.”
But it isn’t enough. He looks the question at me again, and, by a darkness on his face, I know I owe him.
“I’m from Vietnam.”

A flinch in the corner of his eye. He grunts, a sound deep from his diaphragm. Verdict passed. He turns his back to me and heaves into the cactus forest.

I stand, a trespasser in his camp, hearing echoes—Chink, gook, Jap, Charlie, GO HOME, SLANT-EYES!—words that, I believe, must have razored my sister Chi down dark alleys, hounded her in the cold after she had fled home, a sixteen-year-old runaway, an illegal alien without her green card. What vicious clicking sounds did they make in her Vietnamese ears, wholly new to English? And, within their boundaries, which America did she find?
A man once revealed something which disturbed me too much to be discounted. He said, “Your sister died because she became too American.”

Later in the night, from the thick of the brush, Tyle ghosts into the orange light of my campfire. He nods at me and folds himself cross-legged before the popping flames, uncorks a fresh tequila bottle, takes a swig, and hands it to me. We sit on the ground far apart enough that with outstretched arms we still have to lean to relay the bottle.
I grip the warm sand between my toes and loll the tart tequila on my tongue. A bottom-heavy moon teeters on the treetops. Stars balm the night. We seem content in our unspoken truce.

When the bottle is half empty, Tyle begins to talk. At first, he talks about the soothing solitude of the Mexican desert. Life is simple here, food cheap, liquor plentiful. He earns most of his money from selling his handicrafts—bracelets, woven bands, beads, leather trinkets—to tourists. When times are tough, there are always a few Mexicans who will hire him for English lessons or translations. And the border isn’t too far if he needs to work up a large chunk of cash. Between the mundane details, his real life comes out obliquely. Tyle has a wife and two boys. He has been away from them nine years. I am the first Vietnamese he has seen since he fled to Mexico seven years ago.

When four fingers of tequila slosh at the bottom of the bottle, he asks me, “Have you been back to Vietnam?”
“No. But someday I’ll go back … to visit.”

Many Vietnamese Americans “have been back.” For some of us, by returning as tourists we prove to ourselves that we are no longer Vietnamese but Vietnamese Americans. We return, with our hearts in our throats, to taunt the Communist regime, to show through our material success that we, the once pitiful exiles, are now the victors. No longer the poverty-stricken refugees clinging to fishing boats, spilling out of cargo planes onto American soil, a mess of open-mouthed terror, wide-eyed awe, hungry and howling for salvation. Time has veiled the days when America fished us out of the ocean like drowning cockroaches and fed us and clothed us—we, the onus of their tragedy. We return and, in our personal silence, we gloat at our conquerors, who now seem like obnoxious monkeys cheating over baubles, our baggage, which mean little to us. Mostly, we return because we are lost.

Tyle says, “I was in Nam.”

I have guessed as much. Not knowing what to say, I nod. Vets—acquaintances and strangers—have said variations of this to me since I was a kid and didn’t know what or where Nam was. The contraction was lost on a boy struggling to learn English. But the note, the way these men said it, told me it was important, someplace I ought to know. With the years, this statement took on new meanings, each flavored by the tone of the speaker. There was bitterness, and there was bewilderment. There was loss and rage and every shade of emotion in between. I heard declarations, accusations, boasts, demands, obligations, challenges, and curses in the four words: I was in Nam. No matter how they said it, an ache welled up in me until an urge to make some sort of reparation slicked my palms with sweat. Some gesture of conciliation. Remorse. A word of apology.

He must have seen me wince for he says it again, more gently.

At that, I do something I’ve never done before. I bow to him like a respected colleague. It is a bow of acknowledgment, a bow of humility, the only way I can tell him I know of his loss, his sufferings.
Looking into the fire, he says softly, “Forgive me. Forgive me for what I have done to your people.”
The night buckles around me. “What, Tyle?”

“I’m sorry, man. I’m really sorry,” he whispers. The blond giant begins to cry, a tired, sobless weeping, tears falling away untouched.

My mouth forms the words, but I cannot utter them. No. No, Tyle. How can I forgive you? What have you done to my people? But who are my people? I don’t know them. Are you my people? How can you be my people? All my life, I’ve looked at you sideways, wondering if you were wondering if my brothers had killed your brothers in the war that made no sense except for the one act of sowing me here—my gain—in your bed, this strange rich-poor, generous-cruel land. I move through your world, a careful visitor, respectful and mindful, hoping for but not believing in the day when I become native. I am the rootless one, yet still the beneficiary of all of your and all of their sufferings. Then why, of us two, am I the savior, and you the sinner?

“Please forgive me.”

I deny him with my silence.

His Viking face mashes up, twisting like a child’s just before the first bawl. It doesn’t come. Instead words cascade out, disjointed sentences, sputtering incoherence that at the initial rush sound like a drunk’s ravings. Nameless faces. Places. Killings. He bleeds it out, airs it into the flames, pours it on me. And all I can do is gasp Oh, God at him over and over, knowing I will carry his secrets all my days.

He asks my pardon yet again, his open hand outstretched to me. This time the quiet turns and I give him the absolution that is not mine to give. And, in my fraudulence, I know I have embarked on something greater than myself.

“When you go to Vietnam,” he says, stating it as a fact, “tell them about me. Tell them about my life, the way I’m living. Tell them about the family I’ve lost. Tell them I’m sorry.”

I give Tyle the most honored gift, the singular gift we Vietnamese give best, the gift into which one can cast all one’s sorrow like trash into an abyss, only sometimes the abyss lies inside the giver. I give him silence.

Excerpted from Catfish and Mandala: A Two-Wheeled Voyage Across the Landscape and Memory of Vietnam by Andrew X. Pham. Copyright © 1999 by Andrew X. Pham. Excerpted by permission of Farrar, Straus and Giroux. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

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July 24, 2001 NPR’s Morning Edition special correspondent Susan Stamberg talks with Andrew

“Pham is a journalist, Vietnam native and U.S. citizen who lived through Saigon’s fall, escaped Vietnam with his family in a boat, and spent his teenage years assimilating into American culture in Northern California. His recently published book, Catfish and Mandala: A Two-Wheeled Voyage Through the Landscape and Memory of Vietnam is Pham’s tale of revisiting his homeland. Pham talks with Stamberg about the summer of his trip.” ~ NPR

 to the interview.

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Inaugural Blog Post!

Greetings! Thank you for stopping by my humble corner of the web. It has been 5 years since my editor and agent first nagged me to get an online presence and get a decent web page. I’m a bit out of touch with internet technology, having spent the last ten years in the backwaters of Southeast Asia where I considered myself lucky if I could check my email once a week.

And to remember that I was coding in Fortran back when computers were the size of refrigerators!

Well, better late than never :) Got alotta catching up to do so please bear with me.

I just launched(11/9/2011) a new venture on Kickstarter.com–a self-publishing project titled: A Southeast Asian Culinary Odyssey: Cookbook Diary of Travels, Flavors, and Memories that I’ve been working on for quite a few years.

Help fund my project on Kickstarter – pledge funding starts at $3 which is a pre-order of my book in an e-format or pledge at a higher level and receive a pre-order of my book in print form. Pledge end date is 11:59 PM on November 20, 2011.

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